They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
