It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
