So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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