weddingsv make me drug and hornr
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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