Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
