It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
