I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
