fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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