Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
