1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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