You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
