there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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