So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
