You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
