Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
