I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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