Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
