She is in my trunk
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize