i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
