hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
