I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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