I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
