Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
