Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
