I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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