Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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