you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
