i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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