did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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