i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
