someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Randomize
