well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
