Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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