i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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