i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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