Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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