wanna go halves on a baby?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
