at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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