remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
