I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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