he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
