i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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