wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
