Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
