is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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