btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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