he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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