Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
