My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
