He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
