i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
