I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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