Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
