Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
