SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
