I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
