if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We have started to decorate penises.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
