Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
