Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
