She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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