no, he came in my armpit
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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