Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
