really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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