Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize