I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
