i was born a porn star she said
if only i could text you this smell
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
