I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
