That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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