P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We are two peas in an std pod
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
