Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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