I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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