My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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