I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
