If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
