Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize