some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
