i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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