She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
