remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
