I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
